Dating On Lockdown
I was recently discussing dating apps on lockdown with a girlfriend of mine who hilariously compared it to shopping in TkMaxx. You don’t really want to be there, it’s going to take it out of you searching through the crap, but you know that if you put the effort it and persevere you might find a gem. Brilliant.
Dating apps are not for me. If I’ve convinced myself that the friendly old man up the road with the limp is capable of kidnapping me, putting me in the boot of his car and holding me hostage (he’s 85) imagine what my over active imagination does to a group of men that seemingly have an insight into my name, age and social status does. Honestly, it brings me out in a cold sweat.
I am known for blocking and deleting people on a regs for ‘breathing funny,’ being too keen, wearing ugly shoes, or potentially being a serial killer. I am self-aware enough to know that this is a slightly judgey and o.t.t and that I probably need to relax a bit, but hey, it’s how I’m living. Safety first guys, safety first . . . But in all seriousness, this self-sabotage is nothing to do with them and everything to do with me not being ready and that’s ok too. We are not living to anybody else’s timelines and that’s really important to remember so go at your own speed. Romance is not and should never be a race.
If, unlike me, you are rational, sane and looking for love, then lockdown has been an ideal time to focus on getting to know people remotely and safely and from the comfort of your own home. Also, in my experience as a coach, when people are ready to get serious about something, they change their habits and create goals to achieve the object of their desire. Be that a career change, an image change or a relationship status change.
With dating apps like Badoo encouraging people to masturbate at home and not physically interact or mix for fear of spreading corona (you may have seen their delightful posters) and dating app Hinge reporting an increase in users. It seems everybody’s ‘dating clock’ has been switched on which Hinge knowingly proclaim is a brilliant time for daters. it seems the nation will not be deterred from romance. We are a determined bunch when it comes to adapting to the rules of lockdown. Click, swipe and metaphorically poke for victory.
The League, an app that matches you through LinkedIn, but crucially none of your actual connections (Oh hi Trevor from IT), has offered a speed dating type of service where you can Skype from 9pm every evening and speed date your way through a lonely lockdown evening and I’m certain there will be all sorts of dating app gimmicks being offered out there right now.
But is it ideal or just a pale imitation for real life and romance occurring organically? There are a lot of lonely people out there and lockdown has exaggerated this in some cases so I think it’s important to keep an open mind while also keeping a keen eye out for red flags and strange intentions. The normal safety rules still apply kids. You wouldn’t give someone you met in a bar any personal information (address, childs name, place of work) and the same applies online so be smart about it and use your common sense. Also, if you do meet up, do not meet at a home address and meet in a public place.
So if this brave new dating world is for you I think it’s a great alternative and will encourage you to get to know someone on an emotional level rather than physical. In the interest of sounding more ‘coachy’ I believe that lockdown has been an important time of reflection for us all and if your single I would encourage you to consider what it is that you want from your next relationship. Are you going to look for the same qualities as before? Do you judge people too quickly (cough cough) and why? Do you self-sabotage? What is non-negotiable for you now? What heathy habit would you like to work on? Now is the perfect time to make those observations and changes.
In good news the people at Hinge report that 45% of their database have developed a healthy dating habit on lockdown and for 69% that meant really thinking about what they want from a relationship. Perhaps we are to become a nation of emotionally connected and intelligent healthy daters given that we’ve had time to think about our actions past present and future. We can only hope . . .
Wherever you are at, do not settle because your dating clock is on high alert having spent lockdown alone and comparing yourself to happy couples on IG squares. I truly believe that this all happens when it’s meant to and we are all worthy of big love, respect and kindness so have an open mind but remember and respect your value. You don’t deserve anything less.