Design The Life You Want
I believe we all have the capability to design the life we want. There is no difference between you and the next successful person (even Beyonce), we are all people . . . the only thing standing in the way of your hopes and dreams is your mindset, work ethics and self-belief.
This is the essence of the way I coach and empower my clients. You want more of something, then together we can get it. You want less of something then perhaps we look at your boundaries or where you are giving your power away. There is always a solution to getting what you need to design your best life. It may not happen overnight, but I promise with determination, it will happen.
We all have an idea of what it would take for us to live a life that we are proud of. Perhaps this is how you define your professional success or perhaps for you it is how you feel emotionally. To begin understanding what is important for you to live and design your best life its important to evaluate the following points.
I want you to look at the conversations you avoid having. This is usually where you give your power away and the areas that need your attention for healing. Why is it that you find it difficult to ask that friend to stop putting you down, or why is it that you let your partner talk to you in such a way in front of the children? Speaking up in the moment can take some practice if we are not used to doing it, but remember in all situations you always have the ability to take your power back.
You have to get really clear about what you are saying YES to and what you are saying NO to. This is an exercise I use with my clients regularly when they are feeling stuck. For example, if my client is struggling with the way they are being treated at work I would ask them to write me a list of all the things they are prepared to accept and all the things they are not. What you should be left with is a very clear set of boundaries that you refuse to compromise on.
Ask for help if you are struggling. We all have moments where the pressure is too much or we feel a little lost, and that is perfectly ok. There is nothing admirable about suffering in silence. You wont win any prizes for it. Here’s a secret, the people that love you would much rather hold out their hand and support you than realise you are hurting alone. Sometimes a 10-minute vulnerable conversation can bolster you far more than you could imagine so try and be brave and open up to people that you trust and who love and understand you.
It is absolutely necessary for you to make decisions based on and to live within your values. If you aren’t clear on which values are important to you I suggest writing them in a list and asking yourself how much they are currently showing up in your life. Perhaps your biggest value is spontaneity yet your stuck in a routine that isn’t doing anything for you. Another tip when establishing values is – what really annoys you? This often leads to a value. For example, I cannot stand rude people – therefore a big value to me is manners. I cannot stand gossips, so a big value to me is privacy . . . get the idea?
Conflict, most of us hate it, some of us thrive on it. Conflict is going to happen, you are not always going to be the most popular person in the room and some people will disagree with you (how very dare they?!). Conflict is not the problem, what you need to work out is your reaction to it. No one can make you feel anything about yourself without your permission, so time to get really strong in the sense of who you are and what you stand for.
It’s now time for you to get really real with yourself. Where are you toxic and where do you need to do the work? Where are you not pushing yourself or where are you blaming others for your downfalls? Are you investing in your mental health, or do you spend all your money on clothes or a gym membership you never use? Its only when we get really honest that we can start implementing powerful and positive change.
Finally, I want you to really love yourself. You may not be where you wanted to be by now and that’s ok, there are no timelines in this life, only the ones of our own creation. Speak to yourself kindly, don’t take the loses as personal blows and remember you are only a human, showing up, doing their best every day. With the right mindset, determination and support you will get exactly to where you want to be.