Healing From Conflict
This summer has been a summer of conflict. Not only my own but people I’m close to. Glasses of wine with friends and whatsapp group chats have left us relenting ‘am I surrounded by idiots? How could someone be capable of that? Why are they doing this to me?!’ You get the ugly picture.
It’s traumatic when people you were once close to hurt you, betray you or continually display unattractive personality traits. A dead-end conflict with a friend or family member can feel just as disturbing as a death, there is a lot of grief involved for what once was, and a finality which can be hard to get past.
I believe there is a correlation between these behaviours and the pandemic. I feel a lot of people have abandoned their internal connection to humanity. Born out of an avoidance to feel or address painful emotions that surfaced during the last 18 months, they’ve developed an ‘every man for themselves’ mentality. You are merely an object that requires controlling to gain what they need in the moment as they are operating from a place of fear, not love.
Remember we love others at the same level we love ourselves so if you’ve experienced this style of behaviour send them compassion. Their capacity for self love is at a minimum and it shows. We as a society have a lot of healing to do.
One friend has suffered greatly at the hands of the same woman continually and often says, ‘is it me?’ I say no. This isn’t a lesson that you needed to learn. Sometimes people are just cruel because they can be. But what you can take from it is that these things are forcing you to look at what is unhealed within you, what boundaries you need to enforce and how to spot these people in the future. Speaking from experience, I have felt huge gratitude for the secure and loving relationships I’m lucky enough to have, which was a great big shiny silver lining.
I do believe from a coaching perspective that these relationships were never meant to last and sometimes they shine a light on exactly what you don’t want or need. The greatest lessons, healing and growth that we ever experience will come from the relationships we have with the impactful people in our lives. They are often people we can’t dismiss or walk away from and we feel there is a lot at stake. This type of entanglement normally comes with a lot of confusion, pain and heartbreak.
This is when we need to connect with our Leader Within or our Inner Being most. Boundaries, self love and protection must be fortified by our inner self so that we stay connected to our values and sense of who we are. This can be achieved by a series of guided visualisations or even writing down our values and strengths.
Other points to consider on your healing journey;
I recommend talking it out with friends and family that you trust. However, avoid talking about it to the world and his wife to avoid getting stuck within a pain loop.
Don’t let your inner critic bully you when you are feeling alone or hurt and more vulnerable. Remember your human, you matter and are worthy of love no matter what.
Take some time out. Away from social media, away from the usual crowd and places. Give yourself time and room to heal. It’s ok to shut the world out for a bit.
Speak to a professional. Coaching or therapy can really support you during painful life changes. They will also provide you with tools for boosting self-esteem and for future relationships.
Up your self-care. Pay attention to the voice you use on yourself and look after yourself properly. Look at sleep, nutrition and exercise. Weave in good habits to your routine.
Realise that everything happens as it’s meant to. Better to understand what your dealing with now so you can cut and run and invite the right people into your life.
Remember this is merely a phase, maybe a hard phase, but one that will pass. Rain doesn’t last forever.
Educate yourself on personality disorders and understand why you might be attracting a particular type of person. Often these types are attracted to your heart, your light and your strength.