Social Media Blackout
Social media blackout and what I have learnt about myself . . .
I’ve learnt that actually my daily checking and daily posting has become unhealthy and habitual and quite corrosive to my self esteem. It was time to give me my peace of mind back and take the reins with my mental health. Tech free time is something I prioritise for clients but never myself. It was time for a change.
I noticed that I was logging on for the wrong reasons. I was either posting to portray my life in a certain light (hello ego) or I was feeling let down by certain things or people by their view points, values or actions. Things were making me feel icky . . . As one wise friend put it, ‘Can you imagine 30 years ago sitting down and watching other families private home videos?’ No, not really. Especially when that person doesn’t feature heavily in your life and simply has no relevance as to how you live yours. It’s voyeristic and completely unnatural.
They say ‘comparison is the thief of joy’ and that’s what I’ve been doing daily in my life. Certainly not consciously, but it was happening nonetheless. I either wasn’t as social, pretty or youthful as the rest of girls, or I wasn’t as successful as I wanted to be on my business page. Or certain people triggered me in the way they portrayed themselves or perhaps had views and values not aligned with my own. All in all it was making me feel excessively lonely when surely the purpose of social media is to make you feel more connected?!
At this phase of my life I am a single parent with one daughter who I cherish more than words can describe, but those happy squares, at times, were making me feel like ‘a family person with no family.’ Ironically I started using Instagram to connect when I first had my daughter or when my marriage broke down and I understandably felt lonely. There was always someone awake at 4am when I was taking care of a crying baby, had insomnia, or there was someone who seemed to be going through something similar . . . Misery loves company. Of course, but is it healthy to seek these connections without seeking your own counsel and solace first?! Probably not, but the habits and pathways in my brain had been set and were becoming very tricky to divert and then inevitably became part of my daily tapestry. Which is how I found myself down this particular hole.
Communication is high on instagram but people have less boundaries and often I found myself connected to people I’d rather not have a daily dialogue with. People that keep in touch with me for the wrong reasons or with an agenda. People that quite often unloaded on me and being the person I am I’d then consider them and their story part of my responsibility. Basically a series of boundaries being broken that would never be broken in real life or a normal working environment. Instinctively I knew all of this but out of politeness or kindness I would concede and be the lifeline, court jester, or agony aunt to people I barely knew. How exhausting does that sound?
Social media sometimes feels like a part-time job. It’s a part-time job you didn’t sign up for and you’re definitely not getting paid for unless you happen to be an influencer. The pressure to keep social media central to my business marketing was a daily pressure, when in reality the majority of my clients have come to me via word of mouth and referral. The many hours it takes to create content has only ever given me a couple of direct clients. I value them hugely but surely there are better ways? It’s been taking up a huge amount of my time; in energy and thoughts when I only ever started a business page so that people knew I was who I said I was. Of course, if you can afford a social media manager this helps hugely, but in my position when you’re a one woman band, its hard to justify, and what comes first the chicken or the emoji egg?
Also, don’t get me started on the nosey parker’s. I could give you a list of names of people that wouldn’t dare miss a story but haven’t once liked a post, made a comment or sent a DM. Just sat there peeping like silent voyeurs. People will always always want to watch what you’re doing but not support your growth. What are you lot about?! Sending jealous juju peoples way and expecting your lives to get happier . . . I truly hope that works out for you.
There are a lot of spiritually broken people out there at the moment and Instagram seems like the perfect environment for people to send out their misplaced judgements. Again I was noticing all of this and feeling it all in abundance and I needed to switch it off.
Then there’s the dark side of a Instagram and being a single woman. We have the married man that can’t possibly be seen to be on dating apps but yet uses Instagram as their little womanising Wonderland.
The men that suddenly bombard you with 15 likes in 15 seconds. Some being images from 2018 - just to let you know he’s been really enjoying himself. And the guys that follow scantily women they don’t know, that live in different countries, that they haven’t a hope in hell of meeting, let alone being in close proximity to. One man when questioned about this told me he was being ‘supportive.’ Oh how we girls laughed . . .
For me, they’re red flags because I’d rather meet a man with a more realistic understanding of what women look like. After all, I’m not an Argentinian porn star with excessive face filler and gravity defying breasts, I’m a middle aged mother that likes biscuits. For a man like that, thankfully, I would only be a disappointment.
Despite having a private account I’ve been approached and propositioned by no less than six sugar daddies in the last two months. How they find me is a complete mystery. More of a mystery is at nearly 40 years old, I appear to be the sugar mummy, so they are totally barking up the wrong tree.
Heart eyes, flames, suggestive emojis in the middle of the night, or overfamiliar intrusive behaviour has been making me feel overexposed and uncomfortable and a little jaded. My mindset has been if this is the calibre that is out there that I may as well give up. Low vibrational thinking, that as an eternal optimist, and a true believer in the best bits of human nature, is certainly not who I am.
I was concerned by giving Instagram up it would leave me feeling disconnected, I would forget peoples birthdays, I wouldn’t be able to keep on top of my social life, I’d miss out on work opportunities . . . in fact, none of that happened. The people who had birthdays I was in touch with, my social life continued, I am in regular contact with my friends and family and the world keeps turning with more work opportunities developing this summer than ever before.
The fact of the matter is I cut out a hell of a lot of noise and used my precious energy really wisely. I used it for self-care and used it for spending time with my daughter. Uninterrupted time to just be in the moment with people I love and enjoy myself without taking pictures of every little thing, thinking it would be good for an Instagram story.
Its been a revelation for me and I’m sad I haven’t given myself this time previously. I’m not sure that I really want to go back in full force just yet but I’m sure at some point I will be ready to join that community again albeit slightly more private (jaded) and slightly more mindful of what I share, whom I’m following and vice versa.
It’s been a wonderful reset to give me head space, to realise I’m certainly not a ‘family person without a family.’ Because the fact of the matter is I have wonderful family members and I’ve worked really hard at creating a group of friends that feel like family and it would hurt them to know I felt that way. They’ve only supported me during this little experiment and have never felt far away. It’s been lovely to socialise without the pressure of taking pictures because somewhere along the line it had become ‘my thing.’ It’s been a wonderful time of conserving energy and feeling protected by the lack of access. I’m finally sticking up for myself and for what I need. I really like myself so much more without being under the glare of other peoples judgements.
It has been such a huge learning to never use social media as a measuring stick for so much in your precious one life. If you constantly compare you’ll always feel like you are doing less when in actual fact we all have so much to be grateful for and are excelling every day in ways that your future you will be so proud of.
If you’re feeling in need of headspace and clarity or feel you have an unhealthy relationship with your phone or social media then I implore you to give yourself time out. It’s worked wonders for me, I feel so much more peaceful and most importantly I’m super proud of myself for doing something I didn’t think was possible. What a wonderful learning.